Thursday, March 13, 2008

Susan Susen

I'M SO HAPPY!
I'M SO HAPPY!

OKAY, SZK (esszek), i have some great photos of you.
At the moment, i don't know what to write about you, but i can predict quite a lot because whenever i see your photo, i laugh.


Before i met you, i very much knew how you were going to greet me. It was going to be:
"Haloo my name is... Su-Zhen (quick and staccato) ... yah..." Su-hwei told me that.

And hwei also told me that 'i miss her so much, she is so funny'.
I asked hwei: 'Does she do funny things in public?' I asked because somebody gave me a photo of you posing in front of a shop in malaysia, as she does.
So the hwei said: 'Yes, sometimes...but she's really shy around new people.' And she said that when she meets new people, she always uses that super-standard intro line in conjunction with a shoulder shrug, and a slow reaching out of her hand, which gives a fishy shake. And the shy grin on her face is just SO HYSTERICALLY FUNNY. I have a good time mimicking yooo (!)

Once hwei said: 'Oh my sister is so funny, sometimes she lies down on her bed and SINGS!'

And this is how you got to know me:

[image url=http://photobucket.com/uploader/cxujkk3842/img/COMICTOCOME.jpg>

I cannot pinpoint exactly what is so funny about you.
[But some of the main features i personally find funny are:

- the way you stand. i think is because you are quite tall, so, though you know how to stand, your legs don't know where to go.
- the way you roll your eyes.
- your long eye lashes (they are huge OKAY?)
- the way you blink (because your lashes go all the way down and up again)
- the way you say "no". You say it like "nooOoOoOO<<<!"

Just in case you never realized, this is what i notice when you were next to me. don't get self-conscious now, esszak. ]

* The following need to be on your DO THIS NOW list (updated regularly):
- Send Sam a voice recording of his favourite words.


hyp.

Friday, January 18, 2008

I Guess, I Guess

One of the most popular tv shows in taiwan nowadays is 'Wo Cai Wo Cai Wo Cai Cai Cai' literally translated 'I Guess, I Guess, I Guess Guess Guess'. And one of the main activities that goes on in that show is: the show invites 3 guests who are odd in some manner. For example, an old lady basketball machine champion, a rough looking man who is into ballad dancing, or even a nerdy tertiary student who receives grants to make horror films. Basically their occupation or hobby usually does not match the way they first appear. Then, after a short interview on the show with the host, the celebrities on the show are to guess which one
of the three guests are bogus. And they usually get it wrong, because the picking of the guests and their talents, and the ordering of the interviews are very strategic.

Well now, let us play 'I Guess, I Guess I Guess Guess Guess'!

--------------------------------------------

(1)

I used to wear hats a lot. Wherever I went, I always used to have a hat in my bag. I never wore it for the weather; it was just the thing to do.

One day, i was at a camp at Phillip Island. It was one of my first camps i've ever been to, and it was very exciting. One of the most exciting activities we played was canoeing, where we canoed into a still part of the ocean. The weather was rough that day, and as i was in the front end happily rowing with my dad at the back, the wind came and took my chicago bulls cap into the water behind me. I plunged into a spin, and i lunged out with my oar to brush back my cap towards me. At that moment, my dad stopped my oar with his hands. I looked at him and he said: "Shi qu yi ding mao zi, jiu suan le ba. Jiu rang ta qu ba." (Lose a hat is no big deal, just let it go.) I listened to my dad, I didn't argue with him, and I stopped my struggle.

It was just like one of those scene, where the son is set to fly to a foreign country for a certain reason. The father and mother go to send their son off at the airport. On the way, there the mother reminds the son of all the safety precautions along the way and who to call when there is trouble, and the father just tells him how proud he is of his son. It comes to the time, at the airport terminal gates, when firstly the father hugs, then the mother hugs, then the son says his final goodbye and walks slowly toward those doors. As the music increases in volume, the mother's eye starts to tear. The father feels her heart, holds her left hand with his, and slings his right arm around her shoulders. The mother has nothing other to say, except for the love in her eyes.

I watched my hat go just like that. I was only small at that time and all i knew was that my chicago bulls hat had followed me for a long time. At that time, no other hat could replace. And eversince that day, I had not worn a hat again.

For a limited time only - now I am over it. Except that now i don't have any hats to wear. Why don't you buy me one, and it will remind me of you.

[GONG~]

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(2)

I went to a good friend's house for dinner one night. I usually don't like to turn down invitations, for one, i am not anxious of uncertain circumstances and for two, i have skin thick enough to accept any body's generosity. At the door, I knew who was going to be in the house at that particular time. I took a deep breath and sighed.

As I walked inside the house, I greeted the host, and heard clunking of dishes in the kitchen. As i slowly walked toward the kitchen, i had an image of her with her back towards me in my mind. Sure enough as i stepped through the door, she looked very much the same to what i imagined her to look. She must had heard my footsteps. She turned around to greet me with a few preliminary conversations. That was the first time i had ever talked to her.

I did a lot of things that night. Most of the people there I had not known. And most of the people i had known i had not really known. But to cut the long story to the point:

As we moved into our tired nights, and that 'i will go if you go' rut, somebody finally stood up and started a chain reaction of leavers. It was then, as we moved out slowly from the sofas, that i stood behind that girl and i sighed to myself a silent sigh equivalent to: 'oh my goodness'. That night was the first time i had seen that girl for 7 years; she had 'chong xian jiang hu'[ed]. To be more accurate on my previous statements, that night was the first time i had heard her speak. But her voice was also what i imagined it to be - warm and gentle. I'd never known a girl with such a presence. Even from 7 years ago, the way she held her books with her arms straight, sticking tightly to her body and walked in comfortable silence, with two friends beside her. And I would be walking past her in the corridor not knowing what to do with my eyes. These were still frames in my mind. This presence i cannot describe, but the best word in my vocabulary is respect. I tested myself with the hand holding test, where she, in my imagination asked me to hold her hand. I did, and i crumbled or in more realistic terms, my heart was in for a wringing, like the feeling of two hands wringing a wet towel dry. That night, I ran out of things to talk to her about really fast. And i could tell that she remembered me from 7 years ago, though we had never spoken a word to each other face to face.

Many years ago, i would walk home everyday carrying a bag full of books under the sizzling sun for up to half an hour (because my brother claims that i take a rest half way). At my door, i would be quite out of my mind but my animated conscience would prance up to me and say: "if you knew that you would be able to see a short glimpse of her again if you walk right now 10 times the distance you just walked, would you walk?" I said yes most of the time.

Many years ago, on a holiday along the great ocean road, my dad and i stood on a rock overlooking the twelve apostles. He put his arms around me and said: "na... ni xian zai you mei you xi huan shei?" (do you like somebody now?) It was probably the first time he'd ever asked that question. And i said: "yes." Then his eyes peered to the left and the right, and the conversation stopped there. Now my dad asks me the question on a regular basis.

I had not been looking for her, and now she is back. So now is the time to block her out. I really stand on no ground to have an interest in her, because i really know very little about her. And for that very little, i take no interest.

[GONG~]

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(3)

I remember the time i had a fight with a football lover in grade 6. I had gotten really mad at the guy, and i did not know how to control my emotions. So at the time, i was punching and kicking and crying in the sand pit as our friends pulled us away from each other. Ever since, i had not involved myself in a fight.

So ever since, i had been itching for a fight. And the perfect opportunity arrived, when the details of the annual melbourne high school taekwondo competition were finalized. After reading the requirements, i was extremely pleased, because firstly the classes were by height, and i was 169, and the fighting style was: any - as long as there was no grappling or sweeping. I was ecstatic, because i did not know a bit of taekwondo. And here was my opportunity for a free license to fight to my heart's content.

It was listed on the fixture that i was to be up against 'fat chan'. A few friends came to tell me the terrible news. Terrible, because 'fat chan' was good. I would say that he more powerful than fat, and at the same time a fighter. I didn't know what to expect, and while i was practicing my kicks someone came up to advise me on fat chan's jump kick, which was his most powerful kick, and probably his KO hit, and possibly the only move he has. The time came 15 minutes before the competition that i realized that we needed protection to enter the competition. I found somebody and borrowed their mouth guard and box just in time, as I was called to the arena, where up to a hundred pairs of eyes were looking at me. The referee grappled me into my place on the mat, we bowed, and the 'fight' chop was given.

At first I didn't know what to do, because I'd never fought this style before. Taekwondo is supposed to be a kicking sport. But score can be obtained via effective arm strikes. We circled for a while until fat chan came at me with some body sticking. What is body sticking? It simply happens when two inexperienced fighters get into a spar, and throw all the technique out the window, and eventually are just slapping each other's bodies. Among the turmoil, fat chan's hands thrusted out to create some space between us and backed a step. I saw it in his eyes that his single move KO was coming on. And when it did, it was so quick - it was a shriek, then a high jump, finished with a right-legged thump. It had me all over the place within half a second. And i was down. Not because he connected at all, but because i knew that the referee would not allow players to hit somebody who was down, and i took the time to rest for one second. It had only been a matter of seconds since the beginning of the fight, and my energy had already been muchly drained. It was the nerves, the heavy breathing and all the shifty movements that i performed. I longed to fall over over and over again so that i could have some more rest.

But now, the time had come. I turned my eyes to a group of two friends on the side bench and i nodded. They nodded back, but before i could communicate my full message, the referee was standing over me telling me to get back up or else i forfeit. No no, couldn't do that. I chose to stand up - very slowly.

As I began to stand up, the music faded in. It was jay chow's 'shuang jie gun' live. I knew the song, and i knew that the intro was the time for me to 'recharge'. The music was turned on quite soft, and most people wouldn't have made it out, but i knew the song, and the song was just loud enough for it to burn inside me. A lot of faces turned to where the music was coming from, but most of the eyes eventually fixed on the spar, so no one bothered to interfere. When it hit the verse, I felt a flame in my heart as energy returned to my lungs. I plodded a few steps forward and went where the music took me. For every fast rhythm, my arms pounded like machine guns, and for every exclaimed pause, it was a lunge. At that point in time, i felt that i held utmost advantage, because only i had known the song, and my opponent's moves just did not fit the song; he was all over the place by the day's standards. By the chorus, there wasn't too much left in me, but the wonder and satisfaction of fighting with the music spurred me on. The 'ha!' twice a chorus was the killer. I didn't have to turn my head toward the cd player to know that each time my two friends were banking on the 'ha's with their strong body language. The variety of combos available to me on that day were incredible. I look back on it today and i revise all my moves, to see how it could defeat a taller and stronger opponent. I won the round by 1 point. I had defeated fat chan.

This is the power of music. I learned about it a few years back, through a chinese production with the famous actor 'sun yue'. He acted a scene where he had to put down his love - his beautiful, loyal dog with a stick because the dog was slowly dying in pain after getting hit from saving the actor from a motorbike accident. He acted the scene with no music, and yet the emotion that was expressed, touched. The reason why the director chose to have no music was probably to show the expression of sun yue, that to touch, requires no music. I don't know if you've tried muting a romantic walk in the park with leaves blowing and cameras panning, a horror movie at its climax, or a touching reflection. But without music, it is likely not going to move you in any way. I took this knowledge into the competition, and foresaw it to work powerfully - it had power to influence the body, and to harden the mind.

I love to watch tv series where good guys see bad guys do bad stuff in public, and the good guys cannot bear leave it alone. I always wish in real life that i was the good guy. Because that is one of the few occasions where i can have a free hit. I am a boy. I do itch for it.

[GONG~]
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Two stories are of truth and the other one has a slight tweak of the truth.
Are you ready to play I Guess, I Guess, I Guess Guess Guess?

Sunday, November 25, 2007

The Function of (I)

There are a lot of tv series out there that have one particular function. What function, you say, to entertain right? Nope, not right. The particular function is this:


......



Where the y axis is the level of excitement of the series and the x axis is the time line of the series. Here the series starts off quite well to hook the viewer, then the excitement level eases away and drones into a routine for the plain purpose of filling time. The director may choose to finish with a bang, and this is only achievable through the 'boring bits' and build up in previous episodes.

This takes me back to the question of ancient secret: "Why are some people more good-looking than others?" Well because if everyone was good-looking, then everyone would also be really ugly.

Nerdy? Yes. I see the world in graphs. I think almost everything can be plotted some way or another, including qualitative items such as interaction between people, behaviour, and love - in interesting ways.

Here is f(I):

So this is f of (I). It mainly determines the way i plan, whether it is speeches, videos (movies), activities, or the intensity of on-going dates - that is, if dating should have any climax at this stage of my life.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

It is ALL (period) or Nothing Will Ever Change

I was playing...bogglific (*chhhhh*) against a man from India, and after destroying me 31 - 16, he messages: "good game, lets play some more".

doesn't that just sound so Indian?

Speaking of Indians, (who I think are quite good in some ways, especially West Indians who commentate on the cricket) I discovered on a simple stats recorder that someone from India searched Google to find this blog.

The key words he used to find me were:
'How do shopkeepers earn their margin from shop'

now hows that for sounding Indian?

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Walking Ridiculously

Have you seen a particularly humorous ways of how people walk down the street?

You may have and yes I have. I've seen big dogs walking their small owners and going out of control and I've seen big owners walking their small dogs that just won't budge. I've seen mothers scolding their children while walking and dragging them along by their ears, and I've seen excited children walking their exhausted mothers along a display to show them this and show them that.

But I have never seen anything like this -->

1. A grandma is walking her grand daughter in the neighbourhood.
2. The little girl is flying on a scooter.
3. The grandma, whose running action is quite flawed, scrambles all-in to keep up.

I can just imagine:
Mother: Mum can you take my girl out to play?
Grandma: Alright dear.
Mother: Don't let her get out of sight mum. Make sure of that please.

(later on...)

Grandma: Sweety, want to go outside with grandma?
Girl: Okay grandma. Let's go.
Grandma: (At the door) Hmm, what do you want to do outside dear? Go to the park?
Girl: No I want to ride my scooter.
Grandma: Oh your mother, she got you that scooter for your birthday...hey! (panick)

I don't think I've ever seen a grandma run so fast. That, in itself, made my day.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

This Is My Life

This space will no longer be devoted to the taiwan trip 06/07. I have not run out of things to write about - its just that heating up yesterday's fried rice is not as appetizing to the chef and appealing to diners as fresh ingredients put into a pot, and that my senses are able to paint a more inspired picture.

'The Taiwan Chronicles' will still make sense, because it is the chronicles of a taiwanese boy.

Thus, I hope you will enjoy - This Is My Life.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

21. Bargaining Economics

I finally understand why taiwan shopkeepers always fix their eyes on a customer's every movement right from the moment when he walks through the shop door. In the case that a group of customers walk in, I now also understand why the manager would choose to pause the casual conversation with her employees to subtly assign them to look after the customers.

"Eh eh you ren lai le, gan kuai qu kan kan! (Eh eh, some customers are here, quick go have a look.)" she'd say, also picking one of the few customer to lay her eyes on as she assumes her counter position.

This is why.

From the moment you walk into the shop, the shopkeeper has already laid her eyes on you, and she studies you like a diamond. She watches your style in many aspects; intelligence through your eyes, caution through the way you step, stability through the movement of your head etc. From what she gathers, she then makes a decision on exactly how to deal with you. If you watch carefully the shopkeepers of smaller shops, she is always fidgeting with the goods inside the glass. Maybe she is adjusting to the time of day, to the weather, or to you, who has just walked through the door, and is about to be gobbled up by a crocodile without teeth, meaning that you'd come out alive, but sorry.

Some stores do not have price tags on their items, so the shopkeeper can just set her own price according to her observation of the customer. Some stores do have price tags, but they have a ridiculous price blown up to 1000% of cost, and they have a slash through them. Again, that means any price. And if you remember those times, where the shopkeeper says: "Oh you like that? You come just the right time, I have a better one of that. It is in the back, i'll get it for you." Then she goes to the back to get the goods and brings it out and explains to you: "This one from korea, has this - - - - - and this - - - - -. Oh sell so good, my last one now." And you'd be thinking that it looks pretty good, and it does look pretty good for all of the above reasons, but you'd better watch out, because you came in just in time to buy the last one of whichever that sell-so-good.

Here's a joke i read that i found interesting.
A manager of an eye care store says to a new sales recruit: "If a customer comes to you with a pair of glasses and asks for the price, tell him $4000. If his reaction is anything else but surprised, in other words without the slightest piece of concern, quickly add in that $4000 is just the frame, the lenses are $3000. Then, if he still doesn't seem to mind, quickly add in that it is $3000 for each lens, so in total for two lenses it is $6000."

You could roughly guess the cost price of an items in a shop in taiwan. Because marking up prices by a few hundred percent is the only way to survive the taiwanese bargaining culture, which involves more and more buyers becoming crocodiles that clamp their teeth together so tight that you'd need a tool to open it up. Thus by far, simply not giving money is the best way to 'win', and the pay-off is sometimes interesting.

I remember the story about J Paul Getty. He was one of the firsts in the world to hold a fortune of $1 billion. One day his son John was kidnapped and a ransom of a few million dollars was demanded.
When interviewed by the media, he answered: "I'm not paying, not even 1 cent I'm am paying."
His family and friends were shocked at his words and said to him: "What? You value money more than you value the life of your son?"
He replied: "If I paid the ransom today, when is the next time one of my many other children will be kidnapped?"
And he said firmly: "Today I oath that I will not pay even one cent, but I also oath that if the kidnapper does any harm to my son, I will use all my power and wealth to go after the kidnapper and make him miserable for the rest of his life."
Eventually, Getty didn't pay one cent, and the kidnapper let his son go and disappeared. Why? Because the kidnapper does not wish to hold something that is of no value to him, in exchange for a life time of unrest. In the same way, shopkeepers would rather get rid of items of no practical value in exchange for any accumulation of wealth and a better tomorrow.

But.

A
fter spending time wandering on the streets, browsing night markets, and talking to owners in the stalls, I realized that sometimes it is not really about 'winning' or 'losing'.

Owners of these small stalls are people like you and me. They have fathers and mothers to feed, toys to buy for their children, gas and electricity to pay, and they may be in a lot of debt after borrowing money to send their kids to school. If you ever say 'that store price too high, i can get better at my uncle's factory', then you're probably right, because all of these stalls need to mark up from their cost price - they desperately need to find a way to pay for their fathers, mothers, spouses and children. So, there is no such word as 'rip-off' because every price is going to be specifically designed to earn the owner a profit. People get the idea of 'rip-off' by comparison. That's why the stores that do best, are the ones which have no other stores to compete with, such as the ones before the establishment of the Internet. In these cases, people have no idea what the 'standard' price is, so they buy according to their willingness to pay.

Consider a simple story. In a marketplace in a chinese village, there is a man selling meats, a woman selling vegetables, a man selling fresh water, and a woman selling fish. These people are ordinary people who have needs to provide for. They sell their goods at the intersection of a main road of the village, with one in each corner. For the particular day, the marketplace is not a very prosperous place; the number of people that have walked through in the day doesn't even amount to the number of stalls. Despite that, every once in a while, the men and the women would yell: 'meats, quality and quantity meats', and 'water, big bottles of water'. It was until evening, when a man of rich appearance strolls onto the marketplace main street. As the four marketers look at him with polite intent, he approaches the fish stall, and says: "I want to buy four fishes to cook for dinner." The fish woman is overjoyed. She picks, cuts and packs the fishes into a container and makes an exchange with the man, who strolls happily home. About ten minutes later, the man selling fresh water says: "Okay, I think that should be enough for today, I am going home." And about two minutes later, the marketplace is empty.

What happened? The four marketers are new to the market and don't know each other very well. All they ever wanted to do is to work for a day to put food on the table for their families at home. The rich man bought fish from the fish woman, who in turn set off a domino effect to provide the other three marketers enough money to provide the other three marketers enough money to provide the other three marketers enough money to buy a wholesome meal for their families that night, and still earn a small margin of profits.


If you look carefully at the stall keepers in the picture, they are not really doing their jobs properly. The girl attending the girl stall is checking out the products at the other girl stall, while the man crushing oranges is drooling over something else, possibly food.

When buying something from any shop, the question to ask is not always 'is this the cheapest item for the best quality i get?' but rather 'is this a win-win situation for you and i?' or even 'some of you and i?' If there is a price equal to or below your willingness to pay, why make them lose more when you have already won? Why thrash someone at a sport game and make them cry when you can just beat them by a whisker and then tell them: "whoa that was a close game"? I will be ever appreciative of the power that money has, to bring the giver joy when he takes a step of faith to help others in their times of need.