5. Taiwanese Impressions

Spending money in Taiwan is such a joke. Firstly, because the stuff here is unbelievably cheap but the dollar value is extremely high. It's a bit like playing monopoly and buying mayfair for $400. It's a good buy, because $400 monopoly is worthless. So right now i'm living in monopoly money land.

Here is a street scene of Taiwan:


You'd hear rumours about how taiwan is a rough place where people don't really care about anything. I've heard those rumours also. They may be true, but i'd like to say a few good things about taiwan.

1) People are so friendly when you ask for directions. They'd spend some time telling me how to get to somewhere and would even go the extra mile to take me there. Then they'd ask: "where are you from?" and "then how come you can speak chinese so well?" etc. It's the same every time.

2) Thank-you is a word i hear often. The bubble tea lady would say: "xie xie xie xie xie xie xie xie" even when i buy a small drink and would give a big smile. Next time i will capture one and show you. Only the small street stalls give the smiles though, because it means so much to them when you buy something. How nice.

3) I've felt very insecure leaving my shoe at the door of the houses i live in. The door is almost touching the street, so my shoe would be very close to the public area. I asked my aunty why people don't steal the shoes left outside the house (because i thought taiwan was a corrupted country) and she told me that it is because nobody wants to steal such poor things. That did not make sense to me, because the average shoe left outside did not look poor. In fact, if i was a thief, the first thing i would steal would be those shoes. Actually, I've always wanted to be a thief and steal something. But that would go against all my values, not that i would do such a thing even without values. I've often imagined myself on game shows which allow you to go into department stores to do something sneaky and perfectly legal. One day i hope. So the point i'm trying to make is that so far i have encountered many friendly communities.

4) The Taiwanese are fair people. In Australia, when you get off the bus you would probably raise your hand or say a small thank you. In taiwan, the whole bus would chorus: "thank you bus driver!" to show their appreciation.

5) The first piece of advice i received from my uncle when i stepped off the plane was that the taiwanese road is very dangerous. They said that, unlike australia, there are pedestrian crossing lights, and that cars don't follow traffic lights, lanes or the general road rules. It was quite a scary experience the first few days but i slowly got used to it. Because the traffic here is so jammed, and most pedestrians do not follow the rules, cars are always on the look out to stop. I have concluded that it is almost impossible to get run over, so when i cross the road nowadays i barely use my eyes. Overall I enjoy the friendly culture.

Taiwanese kids barely get a life. I heard that school starts at 7:00am and finishes at 5:00pm. They go to tutoring after school and return home at 8:00. And if you want your kid to be a little bit better than the rest, they would need to learn some instruments, so that takes up another hour. Dinner at 9:00pm, have a shower and a rest and do your homework until bed time. It is no wonder I heard my cousin sleep-talking these exact words: "Kao shang ye mei yong" which means: "even if i get the scholarship and get into a good school, there is no use." I couldn't believe it when i heard it.

I walked into 7/11 with a friend holding two half-drank bubble tea cups. I placed the two cups on the counter and asked: "Hi can you throw these away for me?" "Sure," said the check-out boy. A granny who was lining up suddenly pushed in front of me and interrupted: "Why throw it away young man, doesn't it taste good?" I repiled: "No no no, it tastes really good, but it is not healthy so we don't want to damage our bodies." She said: "wowzers, you young man are so good!" She glanced me up and down and spotted a fruit wrap in the place of a sweat band on my arms. Fruit wrap:

She said: "Ni gan ma dai na ge?" ("why are you wearing that?") I said: "because i couldn't find a bin to throw and i don't litter." She choked a bit, opened her mouth wide for a while and stuttered: "ni zhe ge nian qing ren zen me zhe me huan bao?" ("why are you young man so environmental"?) I was sure that she was about to collapse onto the ground in awe of my environmentalism. I have finally figured it out - the reason why streets in taiwan is a bit trashy is because there are hardly any public bins or because people do not keep an eye out for the environment. From this, we can see that taiwanese people are less considerate and less well-mannered; if they have something to ask or say, they will do it. I enjoy this type of culture.

We visited some farming areas of taiwan and a highlight i saw was the way the farmers hit two birds with one stone.

The big yellow thing is a tractor and the white things which follow the tractor are the baby geese. The tractor would plow the soil thoroughly up and down and the baby geese would eat all the tasty worms and bugs which get flipped from the bottom of the soil to the top. Isn't that >nice!<>

"How to sell?" i asked. "8 dumplings for 30 or 14 dumplings for 50," was the reply. I thought about it for a while and gestured a thank you and walked away. The stall owner seemed a little flustered and said: "ey ey, or 28 for 100, or 56 for 200 or 112 for 400!" That didn't make any sense to me after thinking about it for a while. And I didn't stop walking of course. On the topic of stalls, i have learnt not to ask for the recommendation of the stall owner, because she (more often a she) will give you the worst item on display. e.g. i was conned into buying an unjuicy and unsweet 2kg-sweet-juicy guava which took me about 2 hours to eat.

I haven't talked too much about the tour because i am not as interested in going to places and seeing sights as i am interested in people. I have made many interesting observation and have learnt a lot about people. The motivation for this trip would probably be 80% people and 20% sight seeing. The motivation i'm talking about is the current motivation, not the motivation which drove me onto this trip. My mum was the force that drove me onto this tour; at first i did not even want to come back to taiwan. But now, i am loving it. What is the moral of this story? The moral is to listen to your parents in whatever they say. It is very easy to do. When i was young, my mum sent me to everything, yes that's everything, and now, i do not regret any of those things i did, in fact i would regret it if i had not have done those things. And if your parents tell you to learn chinese, learn it to the best of your ability. Take it from me, if not from your parents.

Now, come back and visit me. I will share my experience with you later. personally.

4. A quick claustrophobic one...

I am in a very inconvenient place to write entries because 1) i have very little time; there are 2 computers for 188 people to use, 2) i feel boa-constricted by people surrounding the computer screen so i can't feel free and myself, 3) people will be around and it is weird talking about people behind their backs even if they are positive things. I hope you can understand.

I have discovered that i will never be able to own my own restaurant. Every breakfast/lunch/dinner 188 people gather around 15 round tables to eat. Each time i leave the dining hall/restaurant, i would see tables and tables of unfinished food and i would feel a pain in my heart. As the manager of a restaurant, i would be stuck in a situation of not being able to go forward or back; i cannot re-use the food (even if it is a whole meal) i couldn't throw it away and i certainly wouldn't eat it myself. What a difficult situatoin. What would you do?

3. Photo Review and Girlfriends

Before i begin, I would like to wish you all a good reading. I hope the highlighted paragraph beginnings will catch your interest more easily.

Photo review

Here is my second uncle's favourite hair salon:

The 100 refers to $100 NT (new taiwanese dollar) which is not even AU$4. so good is a haircut under the shade of a tree.

People dance so freely in public. in this local park, people are learn to dance to all sorts of styles of music, even the style of tai-chi:

My second uncle told me to stop and take the photos and make it obvious and exaggerated, so that the dancers can enjoy some glory. taiwanese people are not conservative, if they have something to do, they'll do it even if it is at the expense of somebody else's convenience. e.g. recently i watched as a police man used up about 10 seconds to gather and spit phlegm right in front of the police station. i wondered what would happen if i had done the same thing. probably nothing. currently, it seems as though there is no law in taiwan.

In a few days time, there will be elections for mayor of taipei. Everywhere on the streets, on every pillar every bus stop every building every taxi every toilet every pathway every sidewalk every street sign every corner there is always some banner or poster or some form of advertisement for the 20 odd candidates. to make it quick, i will present you with The Kind Hearted Ninja's top 3.

Here is number 3:

She puts her thumb up and says: "i am your best friend forever" - now that is a funny joke.

Here is number 2:

He looks like a nutritionist who is waiting for his ad to cut off. It doesn't look it, but he really is about to crack up.

Here is number 1:

i suppose this action came out from his heart. you don't usually see steve bracks doing this because we're just too conservative and people might think this and that, but this person just doesn't care and is out there for a fair go. i have recently discovered that taiwanese schools force you to take school photo photos with a unique (within a class) item and pose of choice - this is how much taiwanese people encourage individuality and democracy.

I have moved on from my second uncle but let's go back to him. I mentioned that he is very unworldly. It is a good thing in some ways but not that great in his case for obvious reasons. I think he is a little too concerned about keeping up with the tides that he inconveniences himself on purpose. My dad knows of this attitude disease so he actually sent me to his house to live a few days to treat the disease as a secret side quest. So after some thought, I used some odd grammar, threw in some random english words, used double, followed by triple, negatives, a few tongue twisters and i think i have confused him. One day he came up to me and said: "You know, i think i might want to get a mobile phone..." then he added, "okay but it must be a mobile phone with no camera, no internet, no lights, no picture, no colour....aiya 'fan zheng' (all in all) just no functions lah". Obviously it's because no one in this world has a mobile phone of such description.

Yi Rong, daughter of my second uncle, who is also my cousin, told me an incredible thing. After i heard it i screamed and almost gave her a fright. (I screamed more so out of amusement than surprise.) She asked: "how is po-lun's girlfriend". i said: "...i don't know..." then she said, "....whaT!??" Then i screamed. She told me that the last time abe went back, which was two years ago, he had told her about the girlfriend. who knows which new girl abe is hanging around now? by the way, i don't think po-lun is going to mind me posting this up, because i'm probably the last one to know about this, behind my parents of course. everybody is now laughing.

What gave me a bigger fright, or a screech was when Yi Rong told me that Po-Lun once said to her: "Yes, The Kind Hearded Ninja also has a girlfriend, its just that The Kind Hearted Ninja and I never talk about these things." (that is so abe isn't it? and if you, Jo-an read this, please score him a fifty points) Hey! Just because he doesn't talk about it doesn't mean that i don't talk about it. It's just like my dad, who thinks that the whole family is full when he is full. It's also like my second uncle who thinks that no grapes should ever be harvested, but instead be left there to drop off the tree by itself, just because he doesn't like to eat grapes. ##

Back to the topic, there is not a chance that abe has the slightest correct sensory devices when it comes to detecting shiftiness. Now the question is: "what would The Kind Hearted Ninja do with his girlfriend if he had a girlfriend?" I see a lot of very young people (say 15-16) with girlfriends and i would (if i get the chance) ask them: "what do you do with your girlfriends?" i have no idea. if it was me, even at this age, i would probably stand there like a piece of wood and stare at some by-passing insects.

Now you could probably go back to the symbol ## and add: "and it's also like The Kind Hearted Ninja who thinks that nobody needs a girlfriend just because he has the curse (it's actually a gift) of singlehood."

2. Na ge....mei you bi yao

One morning i decided to simultaneously do two tasks. I do not usually do the two together at home, but perhaps that morning was just a special occassion. I pulled out my bible from my green bag, and i did a random page flip. The random page flip is when I say: "this is what God wants to tell me today." Don't you guys do this? It is a bad habit though. Later on after some thought, i discovered that the random page flip was just like a probability curve, meaning that it's not so random after all. You're usually going to end up somewhere near the middle... I opened up to Ezekiel 47, then turned on my mp3 player which shuffled to a random song called: "How We Need the River - TMaC" Then I realised the significance of the two coinciding events, especially given my circumstances and I thanked God for the encouragement. For those of you who do not know the significance, get in touch with the two sources.

When i got off the plane, everywhere i went i saw this sign:



which means 'meat' in chinese.

No actually it doesn't, it is an exit sign, i just mistook it for the chinese character 'meat'. You would know why.

My second uncle picked me up from the airport and he was the first person i talked alot to on this trip. But that's only because he got to me first. My uncle is very low-tech and doesn't do anything that's technology related. This kind of reminds me of the nanny on Mrs Doubtfire who doesn't do the dishes, doesn't do the laundry, doesn't look after children, doesn't take care of administration, doesn't mop the floors, doesn't cook dinners, doesn't wash the toilets, doesn't help with homework, except in the case of my uncle, he doesn't use mobile phones, doesn't use the computer, doesn't use the internet, doesn't watch tv, doesn't read the paper, doesn't use cd players, and doesn't drive a car that moves very far. Instead, he recommended me a piece of technology which is a display-less digital device that allows the closest-person-to-you's mobile to ring when a friend calls your device. I sincerely accepted his recommendation and also agreed with him that there is a big market out there for this technology. I guess he just likes to be different.

Here he is, i believe it is beneficial to see what a person looks like for a more detailed understanding:

My uncle's favourite phrase is: "Na ge....mei you bi yao" meaning: "Err this, there's no point in having this one." So we would be driving down the freeway, and he would point out to me: "Na ge...'road block' mei you bi yao" or "Na ge...'tree' mei you bi yao". Its as though he had the power to remove whatever that had no point of existence, with a wave of his hand. Funny that. To finish on a good note, my uncle is very friendly and good and interesting.

Jiang Zhong Zheng (1887-1975) was a Taiwanese nationalist leader. He conducted many revolutions and battles against the communists, and is a hero in the hearts of many. Here he is:

I had a great time laughing when i discovered that the same statue of Jiang Zhong Zheng at a local park was recently replaced by this statue:

and Yes that is a dinosaur.

1. Welcome!

Dear readers,

Thanks for visiting my space.

I hope you will enjoy my journey.

After going through 12 hours of air sickness, i am thankful that time passes in all situations; no matter how bad the suffering, there is always an end, unless it is for eternity.

I have to say, Taiwan has a very special smell. I'm not sure if it is true of most asian countries because i have only been to Taiwan. Taiwanese kitchens have a special smell, and so do the bathrooms. Also, sweating and body odour is not an issue, because the air here would usually smell much worse. So i mostly feel very comfortable wherever i am. The humidity here is not so bad, actually i don't think it is too much different from melbourne.

So far, i have spotted a lot of 'taiwan classics'. I won't tell you anything about it now, but i hope you can visit me another time.

Ding!