Preliminary Chinese A-Z

Never before, have i been to a place where the environmental conditions are so fine. If a certain environmental condition is hot and smelly, it is okay. If a certain environmental condition is cold and not smelly, it is okay also.

But, when the environmental condition is cold and smelly, it is perfect. Because (1) it is impossible to sweat, and (2) if for some reason that i do smell of something, i would blend perfectly into the environment.

I've noticed that Chinese students like to start any sentence with: "Hmm...actually," for any answer that requires a bit of thinking, which is very predictable.

Anyway, here's a view of the Chinese stuents' dormitory room.


In one dormitory building, there are about 400 students on 7 levels. Each level has one toilet, and each building has one bathroom! Each bathroom has about 20 spots for a shower, and it is PUBLIC! That is very off-putting for having a shower, wouldn't you say so?

Introduction: Three Chinese Counsels

Before i came to Shanghai, i was given three warnings by my parents.

1) Shanghai girls are 利害 (poweful), and dangerous.
2) Traffic is very unruly so be careful when taking taxis and crossing roads.
3) Thieves are out and about, so watch out for belonging takers and always be alert to what the surrounding people are doing.

Not true, not true, and not true.

Firstly, Shanghai girls in my University are shy, studious and conservative. For the ones who are not shy, studious or conservative, their 利害 (power) comes in the form of speaking very loudly. So, you would have a lovely, pretty girl at the checkout counter. All lovely and pretty until she tells you total amount, and gives you a big fright.

Traffic is extremely safe in Shanghai. Although there are no rules, there are consequences for getting involved in an accident. So, as a pedestrian, you can expect to not be hit by a car, because cars expect by default, that people cross streets without adhering to standard traffic rules. Very safe.

Some Europeans tell me that Shanghai is probably one of the safest large cities they have been to. Violent activities are not common because security guards are cheap to hire, therefore they are, everywhere. So far, i have not lost anything to theft.


Here's a photo introduction to where i live. All the photos here are taken on my way back to the foreign students dormitory from class. In order.

Row of uni shops in foreground. Foreign Students Dormitory in the very background.

"Security guards" use big umbrella to keep out the sun. They're not really securing anything, it's really just for looks.

Foreign students dormitory side view.

Main entrance to the dormitory, which consists of 23 floors, and holds 800+ students. If you look carefully, you can see more 'security guards', who ask for students' dormitory cards when they go in.

Lobby - the place to be. Guards secure the entrance 24 hours a day. When coming back at 4am, you can see them fast asleep on tables that they drag closer to the door.

Rooms. The big gap in the middle is where the elevators are.

Our clean room + a roommate who keeps it very clean. This is a photo after 1.5 months. Amazed?

This is residence cat. He's my cat buddy, who can be found outside the dormitory main entrance most of the time. And most of the time, he finds the bike with the softest seat to sleep on. How nice.

I have decided to spend some time talking about some Chinese things via a 'Chinese A-Z', which takes one letter of the alphabet at a time and making a noun out of it with the word Chinese in front. e.g. "Chinese old ladies" for the letter O.

Look out for that! Accompanying photos available!

Shanghai: First Impressions First

Here in Shanghai, anything random can happen at anytime, to, on, or of anybody.
When it happens, it will usually happen really quick.
And after it happens, the persons who saw it happen will say: "What!! Was. That??" As everything goes back to normal again.

Abe has come to this place. And in one day, he had been inspired to be a short film producer. Of a certain topic known as: "Weird China".

I had agreed to write a blog for my university in melbourne about my experiences in China. And i have started. But, i have one difficulty. And that is, finding something really positive about China to write about after writing consecutive stories about some really unneat, embarrassing, uncivilized, Chinese happenings.

But, this current blog is not for the university, so i can write about anything, i like.
I hope to see you soon.

Sam

p.s. there are still some totally, positively funny things about the Chinese, be assured.

12 Things I Found Either Really Funny Or Interesting About Malaysia

1. Parking Inspectors
In Penang in particular, i found that whenever we parked our car on the side of the street, a person would suddenly come out of nowhere to collect a parking fee. Sometimes the fee collecting person looks like this:

"Parking inspector" demands fees from friend.

While other times, the fee collecting person looks a random civilian, who truly does appear out of nowhere, and is nowhere to be found soon after collecting the fee. Probably it isn't 'nowhere', but perhaps around a corner, behind a pole, or beneath a car... type, place.

2. Malaysian English
There are a few words to add to my vocabulary:
(1) 不懂 instead of 不知道 >> e.g. A: "畏, 幾點了?" B:"不懂 eh."
(2) 夠力 meaning "powerful" or "pretty good". Where i come from, we would say: "很厲害" or "不錯"
(3) 死去 instead of 死. This sounded funny to me. e.g. "畏, 你死去了沒有?" - referring to computer game.
(4) 極爽 meaning "good feeling".
(5) "Last time" meaning "以前", not to be confused with literal meaning of "last time". e.g. A: "Do you know how to play poker?" B: "Last time i knew how to play, but now i don't." A: "..."
(6) 甚麼來的 instead of 甚麼. e.g. "她是甚麼來的?"

The messages must have been really short for the boy and girl to become an item in 20 seconds!

3. My Brother Revealed
One night, in sombody's house, while i was asleep, i heard Abe scratching his throat. And i was okay with that. In fact i have been okay with that for many years now. But when i opted out of my drowsiness, i realized that i was not at home, so i looked around.

Now, i am totally convinced, and can finally confirm that my brother can make gecko noises with his tongue.

4. Solitairy Shopkeeper

Small boy prefers to have a photo to not having a photo.

I found this funny, because no matter how much the kids distracted with action and banged on the glass, the lady did not react one bit.

5. Overweight at Genting

I am scared of the big theme park rides because they go too fast and windy. So when we came across a mild water ride, it decided to have a go. To go on the ride everyone must go on a scale and weigh less than 70kg.

Watching kids pass the weight test in order to go on the ride.

But (!) ... when it came to my turn to weigh, the weigher told me that i was overweight! What a surprise. Since when did i weigh so much?? Thus i was rejected.

Man gets notified of his weight. Check out the size of that carry bag!

I found this particular event funny, because it was just too ridiculous - being overweight for a theme park ride.

P.S. other mild rides include 'love boat'

6. The Solero Shot

While on the ferris wheel in Genting, somebody started laughing really hard.

Darryl told me that the monks on the street are sometimes fake. So the government once banned the Malaysian people from donating to monks.

OH, fake monks identified ~

7. Beauty of Malaysia

Never did i know tha Malaysia was so beautiful. Today i'm talking about buildings.

How grand and magnificent.

And one set of my hosts were also beautiful.

Three sisters look lovely.

8. Entertainment Centre

Group of friends squashed into one room for some K-Box

Ha.ha.ha. And there were a few more "K-boxes" to the right of screen.

During the trip i had an itch for punching something. Anything. Please.
And i found something. It was a punching game machine at an arcade. One play was three punches. And now let me describe the feeling of the first punch, the second punch and the third punch - AaAaawwWWeESOOMMEEE~

Although these machines can be found in my home country, the experience was incredibly liberating, and totally necessary for my rejuvenation of wellness.

9. Warm House Activities

During my stay at Darryl's house, there was a family party. And many people came over and that made me feel very happy.

Six girl cousins of Darryl at the front.

One of the aunties at the party was selling a certain type of product, and i showed interest to an extent (if it is a good product, then acknowledge it as a good product). And the conversation panned out like this:

Aunty: So, how can we give you more information?
I: Send me an email.
Aunty: Email... ... . . . AH, you can email my business partner over there, he has been running a computer store for more than 10 years.
I: ... (face)
Aunty: So... you can communicate with him on email...?

That was an interesting statement.

10. Watch Fixers

Inside Jusco shopping centre

I found this photo very funny because there were about 10 customers waiting to be served. But no one was serving them, because all the servicemen and women were busily huddled in the middle having a watch fixing party. For a long time too!

11. Rojak Guy

This is a great advertisement for rojak.

Context: in an eatery with many types of food and stalls. There was a fair number of people around, and only background selling and eating noises were present. Then, some Indian dance music comes on.

12. Su-Zhen Moey

This girl's smile makes me laugh. Her expressionless face makes me laugh. Her posture, tone of voice (loud), and her laugh also make me laugh. Maybe it is also her way of thinking that is funny.

Happy Su-Zhen at Petaling Jaya

On my first day in Malaysia, the hosts and i went to a nice park for a walk. And after only ten minutes of walking, Su-Zhen said: "Ughgh! I'm sooo tired!!" ... "My legs are so sore." Hahahaha!

Su-Zhen walking in a nice park.

So i found item 12. Su-Zhen Moey, very funny and very interesting to watch.