15. How To Lose A Friend In Three Ways

To be continued, below...

So how many ways are there to lose a friend? Rumours have it that there are about ten, but here are the top three ways as i have discovered in taiwan.

1. The number 1 strategy to lose a friend is to talk about yourself whenever you can. To master this art, you have to be ever-thinking about what the talk topic has to do with yourself, and how you can apply it and fit yourself into the conversation. A typical conversation from the master:

master: so where did you go today?
friend: i went to a 'working house' store in near Taichung train station.
master: oh that one, yeah i know that one. me and my friends went there once to buy tapes and clothes. so where else did you go?
friend: well the science museum, i walked there after that.
master: you walked to the science museum? did you like it?
friend: yes i liked it, i really liked the rooftop display.
master: yeah, i remember when i went to the science museum and i dared my friends to hide inside while it closed. and my friends couldn't get out after that. oh, so funny.
friend: ohh...
master: but the funny thing is they had to spend the night there in their school uniform. i didn't want to ditch my friends either, so i went home to get a sleeping bag and slept near the museum window. that was just last year before the renovation.
friend: didn't your friends get mad?
master: yeah, but we do this all the time. one of our classmates can never get along with the other boys in the other class. and he always goes to throw rubbish or uneaten lunch into their home room after lunch. the teacher's expression was so funny.
friend: ...hmm...oh i went to see the native plant green house as well, that was good.
master: yeah...(silence)
friend: ...have you been there?
master: (eyes light up and takes a deep breath) I! blablabla...

Clearly here in this case study, the master is supposed to be a gracious and welcoming host, whose aim is to make the friend feel comfortable with a heart-warming chat. But what does she do? From the question asker, she becomes the question receiver, and she makes you wonder if all her questions are asked according to her own interests, so that as soon as a semi-satisfactory answer is given, she may take a deep breath and pounce on her own question - hard.

In taiwan, i talked to a very powerful girl who was keen and able to maintain a one way conversation. Every time i took a breath to speak some words, she would quickly cut me off with more tales about herself, leaving me to close my mouth and deflate air. By the time she ran out of things to interrupt me with, my face had turned red hot, maybe from all those breaths, but definitely from the build-up of intense frustration. And we talked for three and a bit hours that night.

2. The second most effective way is to show off your skills and abilities as a priority in friendship building. To master this art, you need to know how to avoid weaknesses to deliberately run into your strengths, while pulling others down in order to magnify yourself. Thus the main goal of a master is to surround himself with a group of people who awe at his skills and capabilities. Littly known to him, the culture of the group he creates is of self-interest, competition and jealousy. And little does he know, that deep down, people don't really care about your abilities. What matters to people is your sincerity.

"I remember the story of a taiwanese guy who dated a taiwanese girl. He was very excited to take her out to see a movie, though he wasn't too good with directions, and he lost his way. By the time they arrived at the cinema, the movie had already finished. Embarrassed he was, but he nervously asked her if she wanted to go to dinner. She said yes. At the end of the dinner, he discovered that he only had NT$100 in his wallet. He searched every single pocket for loose change, but still did not have enough. Neighbouring diners were turning their heads to look as they wondered what the fuss was all about. The guy stuttered to ask the girl whether she could lend him some money to pay for the dinner. The next day, the girl's parents invited the guy over to have a coffee. He was late by over three-quarters of an hour, the reason being that his motorbike had run out of petrol. By the time the parents greeted him outside the gate, he was huffing and puffing breathlessly beside his motorcycle with sweat dripping from his chin and helmet strap. In the end, the girl actually married the silly guy."

Just look at how hard he tried. If a girl did that to me, i may not marry her, but i would definitely nod my head and say to myself: "i want to be your friend." It's true that she doesn't know how to do anything. I could say that she is uncautious or even disorganized. But those things don't matter when there is true sincerity.

If it was a guy, it would be even better.

14. Double the Vision

I have never seen so many people pack into a single train station. Very shameful, my camera was not wide enough to capture all the people on the left squeezing down from the escalator and all the people on the right squeezing onto the escalator trying to get down.

This was at about 2:00am on the 1st day of 2007, where a lot of people had come out to the parliament square to celebrate the new year. This was at the final stage of going home. The initial stage of going home, which was walking out of parliament square, began at about 12:30am. In the process of going home, there wasn't one corner of any big city streets that allowed the space for a full-stretched yawn. The sufferers of course, were the vehicles that had happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. If there wasn't even enough space for a yawn, there wouldn't have been enough space to even open the door to get out and 'talk about it'.

Pedestrians on the paths were so slow, literally at the pace of snails, that after a while, even some old grandmas and grandpas could be seen rolling over head-high metal fences onto private property to gain a speed advantage via a clear path. This was pleasing to my eyes - I love to see people act out of desperation. I overheard an english man say to his taiwanese wife, in an english accent: "Goodness, i'm never coming here again..." And surely i didn't just hear that from only one non-taiwanese person that night. It wasn't a pleasant idea to sit 300 metres away from the centre of the action. Next time, it shall be a good time on a rice paddock 30km away from the city, having a picnic while watching the fireworks.

If you've ever attempted to stare at a space, and continue staring at that space, where a train passes by, you'll find that it is impossible to keep your eyeballs still, or fixed. Uncontrollably, the eyeballs would always flicker then readjust, and flicker then readjust over and over again as it helplessly follows the movement of the train. The only way to stop this from happening is to form a double vision while continuing to stare at the same spot. With the double vision, nothing else seems to be in focus, except for the focus of fixing upon the new vision. Now you are not scared of however many trains that go past or however fast they go past. This technique is also the secret to blinking contests. And if you're feeling as though everything in your life is moving so fast that you can barely keep up, or that challenges are non-stop and can only get tougher and tougher, then won't you ask God for a double portion of a vision to be poured out into your life.

Sam Hu

13. The Path of Giant Tree Countdowns

A well-known feature of Mount Ali is its giant trees forest. Some have been around for thousands of years, and in a certain section of the forest, there is a walk which counts down the giant trees in order of smallest to largest. A feature of the giant trees forest is its ability to enhance endorphin production via natural chemicals being taken into the body. Another feature of the giant trees forest is the exotic birds, which are supposed to make exotic sounds pleasing to my ears. But my favourite feature is the wildlife or a wildlife, or more specifically the dogs, which has dominated a large territories inside the forest primarily because people in the city don't want them to be running on the streets.

I always bring food with me wherever i go to add an extra sense to the experience, whatever it may be. The giant trees forest was no exception because it had already the senses of seeing, hearing, smelling and touching - tasting made me complete. But the result of eating too much is that you will have people scabbing off you. I don't like the word 'scabbing' because it gives rise to negative connotations such as 'stingy' and 'poor' on behalf of both the giver and getter. Therefore, eating too much will have people located thoughtfully and purposefully close to you for certain reasons. Not that anybody followed me around the giant trees forest, but that thought struck me when i spotted some dogs stalking me. Inside the path of giant tree countdowns, the dogs have clear advantages over me. They can communicate in their own language, they are not bound legally by the path and their dog holes are invisible to human eyes. Some of these dogs seem like they haven't eaten for days, and you don't even have to lift up their lips to see their growling teeth. But that didn't mean that they disrespected me in any way.

Close to the end of the count down, there were about five dogs following me. I thought that it was quite good of them to do so, so i sat down on a step to watch them. They too decided to sit down along the path around me in a semi-circle. It was nice of them to just sit down and spend some time with me on the path of giant tree countdowns, so i decided to spare some food. As soon as i reached my hands into my bag, all five dogs jumped up from their sitting positions and began to growl at their opponents. They swiftly split up into two teams, team one was to my left and team two was to my right, and they pivoted about so fast that i was beginning to get double vision as well as a little bit scared. So i pulled my hand out of my bag and was just about to stand up, when both the growling and the pivoting suddenly stopped. Intrigued by this behaviour, i reached to unzip my bag, and surely the double vision was happening again. After this cycle had happened a few times, i truly realised what it is like to be so powerful that something would be accomplished at a wave of a hand. But somehow, after another repetition of my hand moving up and down, the fighting had become uncontrollable. One dog was taken down by three others, and the he was dragged out and helped along out of the scene by his mate who was on his side. The three gave chase, and after a brief moment, i was left all alone. Interesting to know that dogs make alliances and defensive pacts with one another. They remain loyal to their team even when his team mate is on the losing side, and if only i had known more about the incident e.g. gender, age, blood line, history or hunger situation, it would have been touching story. For such loyalty and friendship, isn't it worthwhile sitting down to get to know some of them a little bit better?

The dogs have fierce competitors for food, so they have to adapt to the environment to be able to survive. The dogs in the photo have a house under the wooden path. Not a bad idea, because older dogs would have no reason to overtake it because even if they did, they would need to live inside with their arms at the same height as their head. And those longing eyes, tell me that they want me, but are too scared to come and get me.

It is a different story with bigger dogs though. If their longing eyes eye onto something, they will be all too happy to go and get it. I sat quite close to the door as i was eating at a hotpot restaurant on Mount Ali one night. The owner seemed kind to me when she stood outside her restaurant to finally pull me in to eat 'hotpot with all you can eat rice'. A hungry yet gentle dog sat outside the door of the restaurant and knowing that i had a hotpot, she snuck in with her front legs on the bench of the table, and her sniffing and highly vacuum-like nose high in the air. When the owner saw this, she told her gently to 'zou kai' (go away) because she didn't want to alarm all the other guests. The dog ran outside to avoid the scolding. After a while it happened again, and the owner was very apologetic towards me and asked her son to watch the counter so that she can keep an eye on the dog. It happened a third time, and this time the dog and i were talking and laughing over the hotpot. When the owner saw this and had not realised our relationship, she picked up something which closely resembled a plastic bag and heaved it at the dog with all her might as she followed through half a dozen steps. The dog immediately raced out of the restaurant, but after hearing no sound she turned around to see a piece of material float down towards the ground. The owner had a choice between customers and dogs. If the choice was dogs, she could easily close down the business to turn it into a dog house, while if the choice was customers, she would simply close the front door to keep the dog out. In the end, i spotted her secretly give a bowl of food to the dog to eat, a compromised decision. She didn't want to show the customers that dogs like to hang around and she definitely didn't want to hurt the dog. Her kindheartedness was her dilemma, and her dilemma (and the half a dozen step follow through) was our joke.

12. For Everything that is 'Nice'

In the last few days i have been to night markets, parks, mountains, sanctuaries, and i have encountered a lot of 'nice' things. You may ask, what is 'nice'? 'Nice' is something you see, or hear, or feel, or sense, which puts a smile to your face and a touch to your heart. And the result of that has you saying: "hmmm....how nice....."

On a visit to a famouse national park, i came across some geese walking along a concrete walkpath in the middle of the man-made lake. I decided to follow them along the path, since they were the only animals in the park. Waddle waddle we go along the path, until i realised that they were easing away from me. Here's something i found about geese. They calculate your momentum when you approach them. Because they value their own weight as large, as they are quite hard to budge even one on one with a person, they will study your speed of approach. If it is not too high, then they will feel very safe. I also felt very safe around them.

The old grandma next to me was saying to her granddaughter (or daughter, i couldn't tell): "Xiao xin, ta hui yao ren de! (Be careful it bites!)", but i didn't believe her. I gave the geese my finger, and after a few 'waaagn's, one bit me on the hand. The sensation was surprising yet calm. I do not recall the feeling but i could be sure that it did not hurt - because geese do not have teeth. When you pull up the skin of covering a dog's upper jaws, you reveal its fierce snarling teeth. And you say, impossible(!), how can something so innocent turn into something so nasty in just one hand movement? Try putting those teeth on a goose. When you lifted up its beak sides, did it surprise you?

The little girl in the picture seemed to be scared of the geese. But at the same time, by the encouragement of her mum and her want to play with the only animals in the park before it gets dark, she had no choice. In the picture, it may seem like she's turning around to say a caring goodbye to the geese, but in reality, out of her shyness, she was actually inching herself towards the pack very slowly - backwards! How nice...


Once she was close enough, her grandma decided to take a photo of her with a statue in the background. This was the way in taiwan. When you reach a certain destination you must take a photo of 'evidence' to show all your friends and relatives that you have been to a particular place. For example, when a tourist climbs a mountain, he doesn't necessarily take a photo with the surrounding landscapes, but he takes one with the plaque on the rock which says: "mount ali national park". It just lets me wonder what that photo the grandma took of her granddaughter at the same time i captured my photo, would look like. How i would give to see the awesome lakeside background, everything before that as well as an innocent, content smile, that would put a smile on my face and give a touch to my heart.

11. Returns to Taiwan

The plane trip back home was a breeze. I didn't feel a thing, i ate well, slept well, and had a good time to myself. Unlike my flight to taiwan, which had me feeling many things: ate horribly, slept terribly by closing my eyelids all the way through, had a miserable 12 hours, almost vomited on the flight attendant, had to continually spit into the vomit bag to prevent my extremely empty stomach from being able to throw up anything, basically gagging and spasming all the way through. I fixed that with a pill and now i love flying.

After several weeks of life back australia, i have finally discovered the key ingredient as to why i miss taiwan. Well what is it? The possibilities were relatives, taiwanese culture, shopping, creative goods and tour friends. I miss all of these very much but the actual key ingredient was not in the possibility list. The key ingredient was freedom - the freedom of no obligation, the freedom of independence, and the freedom to hold a camera wherever i go. Actually it is weirder for me to look like a tourist in taiwan than in australia, because afterall i am taiwanese. But i didn't realise that point, so it doesn't matter. Now i'm back in taiwan, and i'm very happy to tell you my story.

I came across a 'love auction' that was held outside a warehouse/shopping centre which has everything you'd ever dream of buying on the one level. This 'love auction' would receive donations such as anything to anything from organizations or private donors and they would 'love auction' it outside major intersections, which was not a good idea after i spotted a bunch of stationary motorcyclists staring at the auctioneer not knowing that the red light had turned green. This time, it was an 'everything must go' situation. They had televisions, blenders, saxophones and a lot of other things that weren't in the picture.

When the auctioneer announced that the next item was a fur ball dog, the reaction of the crowd was nothing. No reaction and no bids. But wasn't this an everything-must-go situation? Yes, so the auctioneer had no choice but to pull the taiwanese seller's favourite man-cringer:
"100 dollars, is your girlfriend worth less than 100 dollars?"
That, of course is making a lot of assumptions, but it was very effective. Actually, 100 dollars for a soft toy is quite a bargain. It was only because the auction team didn't want to take anything back to home base that they would offer cheap cheap prices. Now, this fact attracts people. But only people with lots of money. The people with no money however, were dragged alongside the people with lots of money, and power. And because it was super cheap, the people with lots of money didn't plan to leave without many bargains. I especially enjoy the expression of the girl in the middle.

Just like ageing, there are obvious signs of boredom. It starts off with a dreamy sigh, progresses into a patience breaking weariness, evolves into agitated rolly eyes, and finally becomes a smelly face. And it doesn't help that there are chairs there either.

On public transport, i sometimes like to exaggerate the effect of the bumpiness of the ride. I see the heads of the people moving left to right, so i try to copy that, except by overdoing the reactions of the bumpiness. So I'd put on an extremely normal, perhaps drainy and annoyed face, overdo the reactions, and then observe the reactions of the other passengers. It's fascinating, because they'd think that you're actually annoyed by the movement and that you're trying to avoid the shaky ride - which is perfectly normal. The plane which took me home was extremely squishy, the aisles were particular small and the seats particular unspacious. On top of that, i was sitting next to an old asian man, and you'd categorize old asian men as non-contact because they're too traditional to know how to touch. I couldn't really feel relaxed in the position that i was in - and that is, narrow shoulders, slim legs and constricted arms. I couldn't relax even though i'd taken the pill. Luckily, some turbulence came to cause some bumpiness to my ride. As soon as it hit, i started to shake violently to touch the man's left leg on a few occasions. He looked at me oddly the first time, but after that he thought that i was a normal person because every other passenger on that plane was wobbling. Then i felt tired, I spaced myself out - my arms and my shoulders and slept. After a while i woke up i found we were all over each other. And after i had tried to pull away our touching arms, the old asian man glanced at me for the second time for the entire trip. I'm sure that the extra space was also what he wanted, and he was just waiting for me to take the first step. And if your dad is asian and sort of old, he is probably too traditional to know how to start a hug. Won't you start one off for him?

10. 84 years is no eternity

On the second last day of tour, i asked a friend: "do you think you'll cry tomorrow?" I asked her because she seemed like a girl with stability and strength. She answered: "ru guo ni bu ku, ni jiu bu shi ren!" (if you don't cry, then you're not worthy to be a person!) An unexpected answer. I was expecting a more gentle response, on the lines of: "yes i would, you?" I cry every now and then for easy causes, but i have never cried for friendship matters. Am i not a person?

On the last day of tour, i walked to the dining hall by myself and sat down at a table. There weren't many people having breakfast at that time because everyone was too out from the night before. A slow and feelingful pop song was playing in the background. No one on the table was speaking. I reached forward to take some fried-egg with my chopsticks and my friend opened his mouth for the first time: "ni hai hao ba?" (are you okay?) At that moment, the feelingful background music jumped from the pre-chorus to the chorus, and a warm patch of water welled up around my eyes. I lowered, then nodded my head as i fed the piece of egg into my mouth. Chewing, chewing, chewing, i just couldn't take it anymore. I left the table in an interruption and walked into the toilets. There, i had a quiet time to myself. From then on, whenever i saw somebody, i would have the urge to run into the toilets. Because they would be crying too. Though i never saw anyone else in the toilets each time i visited. Men have muscles big and strong, but what can you do in such physically intangible situations? You can only cry.

The 21 day tour had seemed to me a lifetime, not because it was boring, but because during the tour, my life had flashed before me. Suppose that a person can live 84 years, and that the person knows his own lifespan.
On the first to second day (1-8*), i was a bit unsure. About the people i would meet, the friends i would make, and the places i will go etc.
During the next 4 days (9-24), the fun began. I was meeting new and awesome people and each event/activity/occurrence seemed fresh and exciting. And it seemed like forever until the end of the tour, so we that we still had plenty of time to get to know each other as well as the girls we were interested in.
From the seventh day to the eleventh day (25-44), the friendships i have made had become well-established. Though the routines were getting a little repetitive, the meals we had discovered were all pretty much the same, and the many-starred hotels we'd stayed in had very much lost their novelty.
From the fifteenth to the last day (61-84), the heaviness had hit us. We were already counting down the days that we had together. I wasn't as enthusiastic when it came to meeting new people, the competition between teams grew stale. People weren't as keen on taking photos at hot scenic spots because the atmosphere was just different. Laziness had set in. We were all thinking about how we were going to say good-bye on the last day. How sad.
What happened to the twelfth to the fourteenth (45-60)? Time flew away too fast, no one remembered.
Now that you know what is ahead of your life, please use it wisely. I didn't use my time as wise i should have, and i am grateful for a second chance at life.

The tour to me seemed a little free-for-all. From the surface, everyone seemed very nice to each other. But beneath the skin, there was conflict, jealousy, isolation, pain, backstabbing, and most obviously selfishness. Most people were there to make friends for themselves, show off to become popular, and give themselves the best time there possible. There was a love there, but it was a love of self, not of others. The bonding that had occurred, happened because people were growing their own circles of friendships, less because of anything else. I am very grateful to be in the body of christ. To cut it short, there is nothing we cannot solve when we are one because of christ. And the above four sentences spoken in negative light, we wouldn't need to have.

I have run out of time. I have enjoyed sharing with you all my experiences. Thanks for reading, it has been a pleasure writing this diary. I can see myself smiling when i arrive at the airport, carrying my luggage as i hobble along slowly. Actually i will already have a smile on my face on the plane in taiwan just as it is about to depart. Because i know that all things must pass, unless it is for eternity.

9. Taiwan - my time

Taiwan is a very nice place. It has some very unique characteristics as well as many classic traits, such that anyone who comes to visit taiwan will have a lot of fun and exciting moments.

I just can't help overhearing some things sometimes. While dining at a restaurant, i overheard a tall canadian man, who was very western, slowly say in a strong canadian accent: "One thing i've noticed, about taiwan, is that, the people here are, extremely friendly and, very kind." I was on my way back from getting more rice from the rice pot, which was quite close to the canadian man, and when i heard that, i almost cracked. Luckily i didn't, i covered my mouth. On another occasion, i overheard a mini-boss boss talking to her employees. I was sitting about 3 metres away from them.

An employee said: "aiya! shang ci bei na xie da lu ren zhua dao, hai zhen bu hao yi si." (aiya, last time i was caught by those mainland chinese, i lose all my face.)
The mini-boss asked: "catch you what?"
The employee said: "ta men kan dao wo ba ke ren chi guo de fan, fang hui fan guo." (they saw me putting the half-eaten rice back into the rice pot.")
The mini-boss said: "aiya, what a waste to throw it away, next time just be careful don't let the customer see."

I took special care not to stop eating as i heard that; i didn't want to turn such a comical conversation into an awkward situation, though something in my stomach did jump. Actually the funnier thing was that they didn't even see me sitting three metres right in front of them. Sometimes, it's best not to know. You don't know who's touched that door knob in the shopping centre toilet. You don't know when the last time that portable cooking stand in that night market was washed. And you don't know all the places, from the butcher to the restaurant, where that piece of meat, served in your hotpot has been. You don't know, because it doesn't matter, and they (the toilet cleaner, the stand owner and the mini-boss) know it.

On the taiwan tour, the girls were good, but the guys were better. Here is my top four:

Paul, 18 from New Zealand

This guy has intriguing and wacky thought patterns. I love his face when he smiles and he always gives that smile when he talks to you.

Xiang Ye, 16 from Singapore

Another person who likes to speak his mind.
Xiang Ye: "wo xiang xia xia ta." (i want to scare him.)
I: "shei?" (who?)
Xiang Ye: "guo lu ren ah." (by-passers ah.)
I: "wei shen me?" (why?)
Xiang Ye: "wo xiang kan kan ta men bei xia dao de biao qing." (i want to see their reaction when they get scared.)

River, 30 from Taiwan

A sincere person who loves to make friends. I have a collection of this young man smiling.

Luke, 21 from New Zealand

He's not smiling in the photo, yet it is enough to make us all laugh.

*Bonus: Sandra, 25 from Mauritius

She just likes to act like a boy, that's all. She has a unique skill of chi-gong, which is a form of chinese martial art. Thus, she can perform 'force push', but she doesn't like to show off. Also, she uses chi-gong to force alcohol out of her system so she is always up for a drinking game, no matter the variation.

You won't know what i'm talking about so i choose to talk less. One thing i've learnt on this tour is that you have to know yourself before you can know other people. For me, an example of this is knowing the boys before i know the girls, because if i don't even know how guys work, i will have problems with the girls. From this, i have also learnt to keep a distance from people who always mix with people of the opposite gender.

I love being by myself. And here in taiwan, i have plenty of time by myself. I love the freedom and the slowness, and i can do things without embarrassing the person next to me. Now i'm working on being less self-conscious so i can do more things on which i can look back on and say: "i would've regretted if i had not done that." The most time i spend by myself is shopping and browsing streets. Here are my experiences:

There is a group of robotic people you can find around taiwan. Firstly, there is the train traffic director:

He reminds me of AFL umpires. As soon as a goal is scored, they have to perform that double-handed action. Here, the train trafficker also has to perform that double-handed action, and repetitively when the train on the next platform comes, and i find it a humorous job.

In every elevator in every department store, stands an elevator operator. At every stop, she would ask 'what floor' and give a greeting in a robot language, press the appropriate buttons and give a magical hand gesture as the elevator door closes. At every stop! If you ask them a question, they are now allowed to answer it unless it is in a heavily monotonous tone. It makes me wonder sometimes, what exactly are they thinking when they are doing their job. Are they really that serious? Or will something slightly funnier than average blow their cover. Or is it that when she swap shifts, she'll complain how stiff her cheeks are from all that smiling and how that funny situation almost had her cracking up. Luckily she covered her mouth. Another sight i saw was a little more unusual:

I was quite amused by this one. Before the doors closed, the girls had to make sure that they say: "xie xie guang ling" (thanks for coming) and 90-degree-bow profusely to the customers inside. I think on this occasion, the customers on the way up caught an extra girl by-passing, so instead of being awkward, she chose to fit in. The bowing reminds me of chinese movies where a high official purchases large amounts of supplies from a rich business man. The business man would bow many times to the official, and of course not without the shifty smile as well as the "xie xie"s mixed in with some fake giggling.

Taiwanese shopkeepers really know how to intimidate a customer. I'm not sure if they do this on purpose or that it's just not my style to be intimidated in the following ways:

1. I would enter quietly into a clothing store to look at some clothes. The shop lady would come over from the counter and say: "huan ying guang ling" (welcome), to which i would respond softly: "oh, huan ying guang ling." I don't mean to say welcome to her but it's just my australian habit to return a greeting with the same greeting. She would ask me what i want to buy? And i would tell her that i am just browsing. She would give me a full recommendation of the things on the racks, tell me about the hottest discounts and then stop to fold her arms to stare at me like this:

In the illustration, she knew that it was rude to stare, so she stared at a spot a few degrees to the left of my eyes. That was enough to make me feel uneasy - i think it would make anyone feel uneasy. I think she was just trying to provide really good service, and with the prices cut by 70-80% (2 and 3 mean 20% or 30% of normal price), she was probably expecting me to buy. I just pretended to look around, and then slipped out the door like jon chew would slip out from a boring conversation.

2. On one occasion, i was intrigued by a display window of electronic items. I walked into the shop through a chimed door to see three widish country men gambling on tiny stools. One man who seemed a little rough, heard the chimes, pushed his hands on his knees to rise, approached me with a gangster walk and yelled out: "yao shen me?" (what do you want?) Before he had a chance to get close to me, I literally twisted 180 degrees to latch my hands onto the heavy chime door and escaped. There's no need to hassle over such an incident, especially when the stock inside the shop were all old and dusty.

3. Sometimes when there are no customers inside the store, the shopkeeper would come outside to pull customers in. This is especially true of restaurants in less populated places. Here's what i came across at a fully-packed night market in taichung:

In such a full-house night market, i'm not too sure how to explain this picture. All i know is that there is nobody in the shop and that the owner is practising some chi-gong, probably to help with stress management, and less obviously, helping to scare the customers away. And look how fast her hands are moving!

4. On another occasion, i entered a soft toy/stationery store. I looked around and saw that there was a second level. As i proceeded up the stairs, a girl was sweeping the stairs and as soon as she saw me, she dropped her broomstick and raced as fast as she could to the second floor. I proceeded up the flight of stairs to begin browsing the second floor, until i saw out of the corner of my eyes a girl, standing fast like a soldier behind the counter, staring once again at a spot a few degrees to the left of my eyes. I quickly avoided her gaze and kept on walking as I felt a pattern of heat waves escape from my body. I didn't want to make the girl feel bad, so i thoroughly browsed the entire second floor, because afterall, she came upstairs just for me. But it really spoils the atmosphere of freedom.

5. Other intimidating factors include, secretly following you around i.e. hiding behind a shelf showing a quarter of a face, 'force buy' and loud and unashamed yelling, which i do find interesting.

I've been to a lot of parks, gardens and some mountains in taiwan and all i can say is that the species of plants and animals beats whatever i was expecting before i came. I have become a flower lover ("hua chi") in recent years, not because i know any of their names or anything about them, but because they look nice as my desktop wallpaper or on my desk. The flowers here are so pretty that even their leaves and stems look nice. Here's a selection:

Speaking of flowers, i went to a flower market which mainly sells flowers, but also has little food stalls, games, paintings etc. One stand at the flower market which stood out to me was the 'show and sell'. The way this stand works is that the owner shows a product on the spot e.g. a knife set, a handyman's tool set, a walking stick etc. and he sees if anyone wants to buy whatever he shows. Here he is:

In the illustration, he is pulling up his pants and sighing to his wife because no one is willing to buy the product he is wearing on his head. For any product this man sells, he will always start at a very high price, perhaps NT$1000. Then when he sees that nobody wants to buy it for such a high price, he whacks the brown and black stick onto the chopping board and lowers the price by $100. On this occasion, he was getting angry and was preparing himself to whack the price down to $200 from $300 because no one is buying his stuff. The interesting part is here: the audience knows of his strange behaviour, that he will keep on bringing the price down until people start buying, so everybody waits on their seats folding their arms with serious faces like so:

Look at the face the dad in the light blue is putting on, it is incredible.
For any item, as the stall owner finally gets fed up, he'll ask another round for $200. If nobody wants it, he would pretend to pick up the items to put it away, obviously awaiting an: "ey ey ey wait, i want!" But the audience in the picture have been sitting there for over two hours; no one was going to fall for that trick. Seeing that nobody responds to his false retreat, the stand owner suddenly stops, walks back to the sales table to put the goods back, sighs a deep long sigh, and gives the black and brown stick a good whack: "aiya, $100." There would be a silence, and then suddenly come laughs all round from the audience as buyers swiftly take out $100 notes from their pockets.

Look at how sweetly the people are smiling - even from the side, you can still see the broadness of the smile. A brand new knife set for AU$4 is pretty much a joke. The stand owner is most likely a comedian hired by the flower market to attract people to stay inside the market for a longer period of time, hence the usage of the word 'audience' instead of crowd.

While lining up for a ticket for the Mount Ali train, which is one of the three existing mountain train lines in the world, i was approached by an old grandma. She started speaking to the people in the waiting line in taiwanese, which i do not understand, but i tried to understand. The other people in the line were all looking at the ceiling pretending to not notice her presence, so i tried to copy them. It didn't work however, the old grandma somehow knew that i was listening to her so she switched to mandarin. She asked me if i was going to visit Mount Ali by train. I said that i was. Then she pulled me to the side and said softly, "yao bu yao wo bang ni ding lu guan." (do you want me to book hotel?) The old grandma was short, had a crooked back, and was quite old. I didn't know how to respond to her question, but having been conned many times big or small, i decided to give her a wave of my hand. But the thing is, con artists won't let you go so easily. They'll firstly lure you in, hold you for as long as possible and make it as hard as possible for you to get out. That is what she did. I saw an unprofessional name tag around her neck but nevertheless if it wasn't for her shortish and sly outwards appearance, i would have believed her straight away. In other words, if it had been a younger lady, with her hair properly done up, wearing professional attire, speaking with a proper accent, i would have believed her straight away and had my money scammed. Too bad that whatever field people work in, there's a day when they'll become old. The hotel she offered was a cheap $1000 a night and she wanted a $500 deposit on the spot. She also told me that i could get once-a-day train tickets from her even if the tickets from the booth were sold out. I gave her the $500 and she assured me that she would be back in an hours time to give me the tickets. Then she disappeared. In an hours time, i came back and I didn't see any old grandma. The train was leaving in half an hour so i went to the booth to ask to buy a ticket. It was sold out. I began to panick: old lady come out now and give me my train ticket!

A few days later, while having dinner at a dumpling restaurant with myself, something struck me in an instant to tell the old grandma about Jesus. A smirk began to appear on my face, and i was filled with extraordinary confidence that i normally would not dare have. I knew that the old grandma lurks around near the train station somewhere so she wouldn't be too hard to track down. The next day i went to find her.
Sam: "hi ah po, ni hao." (hello old grandma, how are you?"
OG: "ey ey, ni zai zhe bian gan ma?" (ey ey, what are you doing here?)
Sam: "ni xin ye su ma?" (do you believe in Jesus?)
OG: "xin shen me? wo shen me dou bu xin la, dou bux in." (what? no i don't believe in anything. i dont' believe in anything.)
Sam: "ni xin ye su, jiu de yong sheng, shang tian tang, bu xin ye su, jiu xia di yu. xin ye su hen hao le." (believe in Jesus you get eternal and go to heaven, don't believe in Jesus you go to hell. believe in Jesus very good leh.) proceeds to hand her a card wrapped in wrapping paper.
Sam: "zhe ge gei ni." (this is for you.)
OG: "oh xie xie ni oh, zhe shi shen me? wo men ye gang ren shi." (oh thank you oh, what is this? we barely know each other."
Sam: "wo gen ni shuo zhe ge dui wo mei you hao chu, wo xiang gao su ni zhi yin wei ni neng huo de geng you yi yi, er qie de dao yong sheng." (i tell you this today not so that i can get anything from you, i just want to tell you because i want you to live with more meaning and receive eternal life."
The old grandma looked down at the ground and then looked up with her head slightly tilted, her eyes starry, and said: "even my relatives don't give me a present for my birthday..."...
That was what i imagined in my head. Like many people, i like to rehearse a situation in my mind before doing it. Sometimes i guess it right and sometimes it doesn't happen the way i expect it to. The day i went to the train station, surely enough, the old grandma was there. I said hi to her, and she began telling me about the cheapest buses around etc. I tried to start the envisaged conversation but my mouth was frozen, except when i say 'uh' at each bus recommendation she gave me. I have never tried to tell a girl face to face that i like her, but i'm sure i would have been able to pull that off easier than talking to this old grandma. Then the old grandma said 'bye' and i said 'bye' and we walked away. And i didn't stop walking, because i had already takent he first step.

I have learnt from this experience that sometimes i have to take up courage to do some things which are important and fun. And also, doing something with someone who you'll never see again is a must do. Because when you look back, you'll know that your present environment would remain the same, but that you would have changed somebody's life. Next time i'll be better.

The old grandma turned out to be a friendly lady who, had not only not conned me, but has saved me quite a lot of money. The hotel she booked also would have been the one i would have picked by myself, except it would have been much more expensive. She asked me to tell everyone about her, so that when my friends and relatives come to visit, they'll all go to her to buy tickets. Here she is:

I asked her to smile but she just couldn't bring it on. I'm not showing you the photo so that you'll know who to find next time you go to taiwan, but i'm showing you just to let you know that when she comes to find you, you can let your guard down even when she seems like she's trying to scam your money.